I knew her well,
long time ago.
I was young,
without experience.
She had more,
more that left
her damaged.
Undeniably,
she was beautiful,
a fact that she enjoyed,
accepted as gift,
not something
she would ever use
as weapon.
As for me,
I could never
get past her
vulnerability.
It drew me on,
puzzled me,
bothered me.
Deep inside her
was an emptiness,
a sweet wish had been
taken from her.
There was no way
to get it back.
And, no shallow
substitute would
ever do.
Some in her shoes
would have joined
a nunnery.
Others would have
swallowed pills.
But, loss did not
consume her totally.
Her touch was warm,
her smile an
inspiration.
As friends, we
grew together.
As lovers, we clung
to each other.
Trust, encouragement,
became our twin comforts.
A bond misplaced?
I cannot say.
Like I said,
I was young.
In the end,
sympathetic caring
proved not enough.
Neither was love,
if that was what
we had.
Each among us
have dreams,
desire to discover,
to grow, to accomplish.
I was no different.
But, without resource,
without wisdom,
with only my own
private emptiness,
what could I do?
Two hollow emptinesses
do not amount to much.
Many months on,
both of us in tears,
we parted.
Years hence, I have only
the remembrance
of her beauty,
her touch,
her inner pain
and mine,
and of two emptinesses
we could not,
in caring tandem,
find a way
to fill.
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Tuesday, August 12th, 1969 Chicago IL USA
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