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Coupling • Posted: Oct 07, 2012 13:31:45Comments WelcomeVote CoolPhotoblogsPurchase a PrintShare

Not having traveled extensively, I cannot say with certainty how preoccupied people around the globe are with the dynamics of coupling. But in the U.S., there is considerable attention paid to the issue on a daily basis, not only on a personal level but more generally throughout all types of media content. Art and music are replete with the theme. There is hardly a fictional story that does not pay at least some attention to the topic. And, even most non-fiction stories find bearing, grounding, and import relative to the assumed love interests of readers and viewers. You want healthier looking skin? A healthier body? More riches so you can spruce up your attractiveness? Have we found a product or bit of advice for you.

Out on the street, one cannot fail to notice the myriad different ways we pair up. Sameness? Contrast? They are both always there. Complementation? Redundancy? They are both there. Dependence? Antagonism? Again, they are there. Coordination? Lack of coordination? Always some of each. Many many dimensions. Almost always a little of both ends of the spectrum within any particular couple. But that point, the point where balance is struck, differs markedly from couple to couple.

What mechanism of mind allows for such fascinating interlace of dimensional traits?

It's an interesting question because we aren't static puzzle pieces that must somehow find lasting exact fit with each other. Instead, over time, we grow toward each other, readapting our initial shapes in manner that produces a more comfortable fit, a process rather like breaking in a new pair of shoes. Eventually, the stiff leather conforms to our feet and we are finally without pain and annoyance. However, over longer periods of time, we can grow and develop away from each other, finding that what was once comfortable is no longer so. We have some degree of malleability that allows us to become closer and closer. But, internally, we change. And the rate and direction those changes take may eventually make it impossible for either of us to maintain comfortable accommodating complementation with each other. To thine own self be true, the wisdom goes. And so, inevitably we move on and attempt a pairing with someone else. In a way, it's like very slow moving rubber balls, at first comfortably distorting as they crush into each other. Then at some point, reversing course and flying apart, only to eventually smash into a different potential partner for some new moment of time. Such an interesting, exciting, and frustratingly painful experience.

There are so many other things we could be paying attention to: climate change, the dynamics of the universe, the history of life, how to make music or an appetizing meal, what to tell our children about what's worth doing and why. But, inevitably we think about pairing, perhaps again, and again. We may wonder to ourselves what is wrong with us? What must people think of us? Will they laugh? Think less of us? Or, be inspired. jealous, or envious? Could be any or all of those. However, they will certainly understand the basis for our preoccupation and concerns without any explanation at all. That's very much the way things are with us humans.

And yet, how many horribly cruel times have rigidity of individual thinking and rigidity of external institutions evoked such terms as "betrayal", "possession by the Devil", "sin", and "selfish irresponsibility" to condemn and punish the very natural need to move on as normal change and growth take hold, rendering what was once comfortable now uncomfortable and confining? The historical toll of abuse, murder, emotional scarring, and hate is enormous, all for denial of what is natural and normal to our species. Still, how fascinating to every now and again come upon a pair, a couple, that has managed to grow and change in blissful tandem, savoring every instance of need and opportunity to adjust and readapt to each other, in loving caring cherishing ensemble. An undeniably curious inspiration to us all.

May your efforts at finding and exploring pairing lead you to rich and nourishing, exceptionally memorable experience. And, may you always be protected from the cruelest of inability to accept and accommodate when and if the need to move on arrives.

Sunday, August 12th, 2012